托福独立写作范文及名师批改(观点类下)
- 2017-04-09 17:09:59 来源:思润教育
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西安雅思托福培训机构为大家分享托福独立写作范文及名师批改,自我检测一下,有没有存在相同的问题,进一步完善自己的写作!
To start with, space technology is aimed at the welfare of distant future generations instead of our generation. It is true that scientists have found special substances in space that may improve the living standards of people in the future. However, scientists have only found the materials and they still have a long long way to go before making breakthroughs that change the way we live. First they find the magical substances and then spend about a century to figure【in figuring】out a plausible way to transport the substances back to the earth. And it could probably take another century for scientists to cut down the cost so that ordinary people would afford the new product. My point is, since it is almost impossible for our generation and the next two generations to enjoy the fruit of space technology, why not lay more emphasis on the present world? If large amounts of money is invested in future projects, the living standards of people of the current world would no doubt be severely compromised.【本段的论点⽴立意切题,论证充分有⼒力!】! !
Secondly, chances that people find life forms and useful resources in outer space are insanely rare that it is just not worthwhile to spend that much money on them. It is similar to gambling - throwing money people earned through hard work on things that cannot possibly yield rewards. It would be a lot more realistic to spend government's fund on funding things projects that would 100 percent benefit be of service to society like building more hospitals research into AIDS or promoting obligatory education. No one can argue those project could effectively contribute to the well-being of mankind.【本段的论点⽴立意也还不错,论证富有逻辑但不够丰富!】! !
Admittedly, space technology is potentially beneficial in the long term. The limited resources on earth would be consumed within the next thousand years so it is stupid to be so short-sighted to ignore the problem of sustainability. Nevertheless, preserving the future should not be done at the cost of the happiness of people of the present world. Hence, a trade of between now and future has to be made and it is reasonable to favor the current world.【本让步段的论点⽴立意和论证也还是可以的!】! !
In closing, it is somewhat ridiculous for government to spend so much money on space travel and space exploration. Space technology is important but not promising and therefore does not deserve such huge investments.【总结到位!】!
1、Topic Development:!⾸首段有话题展开,⽴立场清晰!!
2、Organization:! 总分总结构,主体段落部分有两个论述段+⼀一个让步段,结构清晰完整!!
3、Language use:! ⽤用词⽐比较丰富,句式多样化,偶尔有⼀一些语法和拼写错误,详⻅见批注!!
4、Strength:! 结构完整,⽴立场清晰,论证充分富有逻辑!!
5、Weakness:! 语法上⾯面还有⼀一些瑕疵!!
6、Improvement:! 同学独⽴立写作的结构思路清晰,只语⾔言还有⼀一定的提⾼高空间,建议巩固语法和词汇,以优化⾃自⼰己的写作!!
Independent Task!
Level :Good!
4.25!
27!
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