托福独立写作范文及名师批改（上篇）

写作备考难度大？不具备自我批改能力，写出来作文，找不到问题所在？不妨尝试思润西安雅思托福培训中心写作批改卡，助你突破瓶颈，超越7分!下面为大家分享托福独立写作范文及名师批改，自我检测一下，有没有存在相同的问题，进一步完善自己的写作！

Question:

People learn things better from those at their own level - such as fellow students or co-workers - than from those at a higher level, such as teachers or supervisors.! !

结尾没写完 时态掌握不好。编例子时应设定过去时间点，全用过去时。还算顺利。!

My writing! ! Consider this situation.

You are in a class and you have a question about your homework. Who would you turn to? Some prefer discussing with fellow students, claiming that they lear【learn】 things better from those at their own level while others choose to ask the teacher for help for they gain more knowledge from those at a higher level. From my perspective, people learn things deeper and more efficiently from those at their own level.

【首段话题展开充分,立场清晰鲜明!】

To start with, people at the same level are usually close with each other and are willing to discuss or even debate over a problem, which makes it more efficient for people to get a deep understanding of things they learn. If you live in a student's dormitory, it's【it is,正式文体不要用缩写哦】 quite easy to find a fellow student and ask them questions without being shy. More over, since people at the same level tend to spend more time together, it is highly convenient for us to study and copy good habits and effective study patterns from those who are in some aspects more successful than we are. Take myself for example. During college I took a very difficult course and always needed help to get me through my assignments. However, the professors’s office hour was relatively short. Therefore I turned to one of the top students of my class and got some great assistance. Not only did I get a deeper understanding of the course, I also discovered why he could study so efficiently. Meanwhile, my questions also inspired my classmate, enabling him to gain a different point of view. Learning from fellow students is actually a win-win process.【本段的论点立意还可以,论证还可充分些,建议举些例子!】

In addition, competition within people at the same level significantly push people to work harder, which no doubt lead【+s】 to deeper understanding of knowledge and higher efficiency of finishing assignments. Take myself, for instance. When I was at tenth grade studied Math alone, learning formula and functions at my own pace, which was relatively slow. However, t The next year I joined a study group and saw how highly focused my fellow students were on their textbooks. I realized Realizing how lazy I was and how much time I wasted.It made me feel, I felt so ashamed and guilty that I immediately  concentrated on my exercise books and studied as hard as I could. As a result, that year I finished five exercise books and came in top of my class, which was something I had never dreamed of before.【本段的论点可以压缩,论证逻辑还是可以的】!

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